Welcome back, dear readers! Our previous discussion (link) ended with the narrative origins of the Black Knight being more or less explained, except it’s name. Now we get into the strange stuff, regarding the theories of the 13,000 BC calamity and the Whale Overlord theory.
We will work in order of craziness, and so we will start with 13,000 BC and work our way to Whale-lords

whale lords part 2


(If you missed it: part 1 HERE)

Yeah thats right, readers! We are gonna talk whale conspiracy theories!

Except this one. We won’t talk about this one.

As mentioned last time, 13,000 BC is not only the dawn of civilization, but the time period in which the most recent Quaternary extinction event occurred, and if the Younger Dryas Impact Theory is to be believed (which is difficult, considering its reception by the scientific community), we got carpet bombed by a swarm of comets.  Along with some glacier tomfoolery going on at the time, it was a very very busy time period. Busy periods in history often mean lots of “background noise” in the Geologic and fossile records, which creates “blank spaces” where we can’t be 100% sure something happened a certain way. If there is one thing the human brain is amazing at, its filling those blank spaces with needlessly terrifying ideas.
Anyways, the theory cites nanodiamonds found in the geologic record as evidence of an explosion around or just before 13,000BC in the region of North America.The production of nano-diamonds (According to the hypothesis) led to conspiracy theories to conclude it was actually an alien nuclear weapon and that the comet story was a cover up by a terrified government who I guess discovered that either aliens really really hated us or Stalin had invented a time machine. Admittedly the idea that the explosion and extinction event it was an intentional act of spite from asshole aliens is a lot more attractive than the idea it was a random act of cruelty from the universe, and so like many conspiracy theories this idea was adapted to put some order into the seemingly random world. Once again the date of the Black Knights arrival, treated as fact by some circles in the conspiracy world, seems too big of a coincidence for the nuke theorists to pass up. When did we get nuked? 13,000BC. What arrived in 13,000 BC? The Dark  Black Knight. It’s not the Satellite we need, but its the one we deserve.
The other event that is blamed for the Quaternary Extinction event, for some reason, is Noah’s flood. Narratively, Noah’s flood is one of those things that will not leave the imagination of the western world, and the immediate response to an ancient disaster being discovered in fossil or soil records is for certain groups to immediate try to determine if it is the biblical flood. This one is especially popular with the Christian-Ancient Astronaut hybrid groups. The events were attributed to the planet “Niburu”, which according to ancient alien enthusiast was where mankind originated, a sort of sci-fi garden of Eden we were cast out of for getting too frisky with the hired help, or alternatively to incubate as slaves on earth. According to the original Niburu theory, it first arrived in 13,000BC, and would arrive again in 2012-2013 (I sense a full article on the horizon about that whole Mayan calendar mess) When it became apparent that there was not infact a giant hyper advanced alien world drifting through our solar system in 2012, the theorists latched on to our favorite universal answer, the Black Knight. As previously stated it was already treated as verified fact  by a not insignificant portion of conspiracy theorists, and Duncan Lunans now rescinded date for it’s original arrival would place it as having arrived exactly when Niburu was supposed to have arrived and caused the flood. The black knights small size would explain why the gravity of our solar system didn’t show a planet sized object as having warped our orbits. So like Tesla’s mars signals, the Niburu theory transferred ownership over to the Black Knight. The new theory states that Niburu is actually Venus, and that the black knight is its eye.

Now we get into the really…. odd… stuff. The Whale Lords. Proposed by many new age conspiracy theorists, especially the somewhat infamous Sorcha Faal of “WhatDoesItMean”, the idea is that Dolphins and Whales, being sentient but living totally in harmony with nature, are either the proper inheritors of the planet or invaders who want to take our place as owners of the planet, and either way they want us dead and they can do it because they are so smart. These theories seem to come from the unease we feel at having to share the planet with two other sentient races and our tendency to fill in blank spaces; there is zero doubt in my mind that Dolphins and Whales are both sentient and sapient, and that together we form the main trio of self aware life. If they had arms, they almost certainty would have at least a primitive sea-society considering they already can verbally pass along culture and hunting techniques, have unique names and identities, etc. New Age theorists attribute certain attributes to them, like that they are universally altruistic messengers of cosmic wisdom sent to usher in a new era. and this stems from the fact that many new age groups also say that brain size and intelligence are supposed to result in powers like ESP, mind reading,g and telekinesis and that the bigger the brain the stronger these powers. Dolphins brains are almost the same size as ours, and Whale’s have the biggest brains of any living earth creature. Therefore, say the New Age types, they are masters of ESP and cosmic lore and the guardians of nature… or something. For whatever reason, the have not set up any kind of society despite ESP being capable of filling the role of “hands” that allowed Humans to build ours. According to the benevolent whale lords theory, they can/want to, but either something is stopping them or they are just so in tune with the planet they are perfectly content with everything except how the Japanese treat them.And as to why they do not talk to us, either they are too disgusted in a society that would still buy Chris Browns albums after he tattooed Rhianna’s beaten face onto his neck, or they are scared of something (possibly Chris Brown), or they have given up trying to communicate due to a language barrier (unrelated to Chris Brown, most likely).  One thing the conspiracy theorists have proposed is that they are hiding from the Black Knight, which can detect and counter psychic energies… or something.  In many of these theories, Whales are the true guardians of mother earth and would use their ESP to defend nature, and that is why the beginning of the industrial revolution coincided with the lowest Whale populations; their magic could not stop us from industry-ing any more.

“Equally important to know about these ancient ‘whale tribes’ was their belief that whales were the ‘guardians’ of Earth and responsible for its protection….Coinciding with the West’s eradication of all the ‘whale tribes’ the world over was their near extermination of whales too, with the newly founded United States and Britain forming vast whaling fleets to scour the oceans of our planet in search of these sea goliaths for their oil which fueled what is now known as the Industrial Revolution of the 18th and 19th centuries.” – From WhatDoesItMean

However, there is another side of the coin: The Sinister Whale Lords.  Like Sith lords, (or Sea-th Lords?) they not only masters of cosmic esp lore but are actually master planners, waiting on the sidelines for us to die. Supposedly they are waiting for the polar shift, which according to alien lore theorists last happened in (you guessed it!) 13,000 BC, which will either drive us insane or cause massive continental drift and disasters. Either way, it will usher in a new era of whalish power. In these theories, The Black Knight is either their spy satellite, keeping an eye on the puny humans, or something sent by the alien progenitors of mankind to keep the whales in check so they don’t wipe out the Annunaki’s really big ant farm.

Others believe that the whales on our planet are essentially interstellar refugees, trapped and cut off from their home species who live on Titan. According to this, the Whale plot to kill all humans is out of righteous revenge rather than malice or greed. They say that the object “Niburu” is actually the mother fleet, who is coming to rescue them and is pissed off that we have been killing their brethren for food.

“To why Japan and the US would be specifically targeted by this ‘alien whale race’ appears to lie in new evidence linking these two nations to a ‘secret whaling plot’ discovered in the WikiLeaks release of American documents that would allow the Japanese to begin ‘harvesting’ whales off of their coast”. – From WhatDoesItMean


According to theorists, this footage of Fort Worth’s power grid exploding in a thunder storm is actually an attack by… whales? And that Tsunamis are actually caused by whales, and Japan’s March 11th tragedy was actually the first shot in a war of whales vs humans.

“The ‘method of attack’ employed by this ‘alien whale race’ against Japan, this report continues, was the ‘super-heating’ of the Earth’s ionosphere above the Pacific Plate subduction zone near northern Honshu causing it to rupture in a staggeringly large area estimated to be 500 km in length (310 mi) with a width of 200 km (120 mi) which unleashed a 9.0 magnitude super-quake and a tsunami said to have been over 100 meters in height” – From WhatDoesItMean

Once again, mankind wants to assign a malevolent intelligence to random cruelty, to make the world seem more narrative and organized.
The idea of a probe or aliens in general being obsessed with whales probably entered into the public consciousness with Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, of all things. Personally that movie has stuck with me because of how terror inducing that whale probe was.  But this is probably where the first seed of “whales deserve this planet more than us. We are assholes and aliens don’t want to talk to us but rather to the whales” comes from. Polar shifts first rose to prominence in the new age movement, along with Niburu , from the rantings of supposed extraterrestrial contactee Nancy Lieder, who claimed that aliens called “Zetas” (now a common term in the conspiracy lingo) warned her that Niburu would pass the earth, reversing the magnetic poles and ending society. This would be the beginning of an elaborate mythology of aliens that has remained surprisingly consistent over the years, but this article is not about that. While she referred to the object as “Planet X”, it was quickly named Niburu by  Zecharia Sitchin, large  proponent of the Ancient Aliens theory and therefore at least partially responsible for the downfall of the History Channel.  This also means he is responsible for Storage Wars,  so someone should probably lock him up before he can hurt anyone else. Niburu lore gets crazier from there, and really deserves its own article, but this was solely about the 13,000 BC Quaternary.

Fears of the polar shift are very real and rather sane considering we have grown so dependent on technology that society likely would fall apart should a polar shift or solar flare cause some kind of EMP effect, but it seems hard to equate dear Father Sun, a bringer of love and warmth in so many new age circles, as a bringer of Luddites-wet-dream ruin. Instead, they blame it on Niburu, or the Black Knight, or both. The Sun has been with us from the start, and its much easier to blame the “other” in these yarns than it is to blame that which effectively raised us.
Niburu in and of itself is only tangentially related to the Black Knight, and really deserves its own article. I’m gonna be taking a break from this level of crazy for a bit but keep an eye out for it.
By the way, on the topic Japan and it’s bizarre relationship with mammalian sea creatures, a cult called the Pana Wave is a heavy believer of the world ending Niburu theory, having blocked off roads with fabric during 2003 in an attempt to stop the “psychic energies” from reaching them. They will be the focal point of our next post, during which I will discuss their elaborately planned but foiled kidnapping attempt on an Arctic Seal. so stay tuned!


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